enough.

Enough.

"Well, at least you've been asked out. I've never been asked out."

I am terribly insecure. All my life I was second choice. Second best. And if I wasn't, I wasn't picked at all. I used that to justify my desire to be chosen, to be liked for once, to be asked out. I thought that would make me feel better about myself. "If someone would just like me for who I am..." That would solve everything. That would be enough.

Then I got picked. I got asked out. And I felt treasured for once. I thought, "Finally, I am worth it." Feeling like I was "good enough" because I got asked out was only enough for so long. Then it just wasn't enough anymore.

"Well, at least you've had someone return feelings for you. You've actually been in a relationship. I've never had that."

Now I need someone to return those feelings. Then I will be satisfied. Then it will be enough.

Will anything ever be enough? We as girls (at least, among my friends) have a habit of saying to each other: "At least you had someone ask you out..." "Yeah, but you had a quality guy really like you..." "But you at least had a 'friendlationship...'" "Well, you got closure. I didn't..." "At least you've actually been in a relationship..." "You don't understand. You've had four guys fall for you in the past month! How can you possibly not be satisfied?"

And so it goes on. But hurt is not relative. Desires are not relative. And we are thirsty creatures, always wanting more and never satisfied. That lack of satisfaction brings out the worst in us -- it resurfaces old wounds and creates new ones. Comparing ourselves to others does nothing more but bring us to our knees in a cry for pity, begging for our feelings to be justified.

When will we cry out, "I've had ENOUGH!" ??

Dear God, satisfy us with your unfailing love. We will never feel good enough by the things that are never good enough for us. But we don't have to be "good enough" for You; You love us regardless. You love us not in spite of who we are, but because of who we are. And You are enough for us. So can you fill us up, Living Water? We are tired of running dry.

"Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst." (John 4:13-14a)